Courage is a New Birth

"I don’t want to die without any scars."

Three films influenced my life the most, “Band of Brothers,” “V for Vendetta”, and “Fight Club”. Tyler Durden changed my perspective on how we let the world exploit us and how our own perceived agency is driven by other factors that we overlook, from people pleasing to economic systems to political systems to religious systems. We often think we are in control, and in reality, we are out of control and in possession of someone else’s whims. What we believe is a decision we make is a hangover of other influences we are blind to. Some of the biggest blinders that alter our behavior are good life-giving ideas or principles that turn to death-spiraling idols, like how capitalism can lead to materialism or faith can lead to an oppressive cult. All lies are fractures of truth. For a lie to take hold, it can’t and won’t be completely ridiculous. As the snake said to Adam and Eve, “Are you sure God said that?”. Durden’s radical behavior and quixotic philosophy force people to ask, “Do I know who I am?”

Durden’s rebellious and semi-absurdist philosophy opened my eyes to the fact that others told me to follow frameworks and principles they or I didn’t understand. These secular orthodox normies imposed rules that enabled their power while wrapping it in banal morality. “This is just what we do” or “This is the right way to live”. Durden calls out the absurdity of the lies we tell ourselves to excuse our behavior, hide from responsibility, and obscure who we actually are. Durden is, in his own way, radically responsible, direct, and courageous. He models “radical candor”, “directness”, or “integrity” in both a liberating and frightening way. To Durden, living free and being who you are is embracing chaos against the system you submitted to and mentally imprisoned you. In rebellious chaos, you find who you really are. Choosing to rebel is deciding to be bold and courageous. Following Tyler Durden means contesting the world’s disenfranchising systems and choosing the life you want to live fearlessly. To Durden, this required the philosophical death of the old self and a rebirth of a new self. To Durden, living courageously means killing the old “nice guy” and being reborn as who you actually are, reconstructing on a solid foundation.

“Only after disaster can we be resurrected.” - Tyler Durden

Durden sounds scary to most Christians, but this is short-sighted and naive. An idea’s or claim’s validity is measured on its merits, not just based on the author’s standing. This is called the “genetic fallacy.” There is a reason why Fight Club is one of the most popular movies of all time - the message resonates with something in us. For me, Durden’s framework “red-pilled” (before that was even a word) me from a secular humanist worldview to a Christian worldview. When most traditionally raised Christians hear Durden’s statements, they think of a rebellion FROM the faith, but mine was TO the faith.

When I became a Christian, I saw how I had been influenced in ways I did not see and chose to believe baseless and false narratives about the world. Like the characters in Fight Club, I had to rebuild my worldview and challenge my upbringing and beliefs. I had to kill my old self and embrace the new one God had given me on the Cross by the Spirit. I had to pull out the weeds and viruses that were not part of my identity in Christ. I had to refashion my identity towards Christ and listen to what He said I was and who He wanted me to be. You cannot form a new identity by yourself; it must be done in the community of others, with God and people. This why Scripture regularly calls us an “image bearer” and to “glorify” His will (1 Corinthians 15:49, 2 Corinthians 3:18, Proverbs 27:19, Colossians 3:10, Ephesians 4:24, 1 John 3:2). These are all aspects of reflection of other people. This is why Jesus was sent as a man, so we can see how a fully human man can live a completely holy life (Hebrews 4:15). We need a human role model to reflect so we know how to follow God’s will (1 John 4:2-3, Philippians 2:5-8). Identity formation is essential to the Christian life. It fundamentally means knowing who you are and living courageously as who you are, which is maximized in Christ (Colossians 2:9-10, Romans 6:6, 1 Corinthians 6:17).

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” - 2 Corinthians 5:17

As I started to grow in my faith, I was told by a lukewarm Baptist church in Texas how I had to dress, talk, work, and live. Liberty wasn’t in their lexicon. Yet, Christ is the final victor over this world and every human institution. Within Him is true liberty (Galatians 5:1). Becoming a Christian turned into more control over my life under my submission to God and freedom from submission to the world and people. It was liberation from my old self to a new self. Graciously, this Baptist church’s secular efforts masked as faithfulness massively failed. Before I was a Christian, I was submissive and docile. I never got in trouble and had straight A’s, as a Chinese father expected. After I became a Christian, I was rebellious against my secular upbringing and assertive for my newfound faith in Christ. I developed new passions and opinions that were bold and distinct. I had a new sense of self, purpose, and hope.

Humorously, this ended up leading to a mohawk for two years, teaching rock climbing, gauging my ears, and playing in a metal band while at the same time being the only undergraduate in my class being published in an academic journal, attending two seminaries at once, and graduating from two different schools at my university (one in business and one in philosophy) at the top of my class. Fight Club was part of my journey to help me see that I could build the life I wanted and that I didn’t have to fit a particular pattern someone else drew for me.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” - Joshua 1:9

It is evident from the film and reading his statements that Durden was an extreme and sinful expression of living a free and courageous life, which is his character’s point. His intense nature and decisive dialogue drive people to change, and Durden idolizes change above all else. Most of humanity is stuck in a Matrix, and Durden wants to set people free. The only way is through a radical approach. He wants people to be their authentic selves, whether good or bad. Durden was determined to the point of “death” to push his friends and followers toward liberation from the constructs of this world. He wanted them to be men of courage who determine destiny and aren’t victims of it.

“Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned.” - Tyler Durden

Ironically, Durden is a violent walking contradiction, an authentic expression of himself. He is both a narcissist and awkwardly sacrificial to his followers. He is weirdly disciplined and consistent with his identity, even if that is illogical or immoral. Durden is a fatalist but for a reason (another contradiction). He wants to destroy everything but then wants to rebuild it. He is chaotic and destructive, yet he remakes his followers into better men. At the film’s end, his followers are more confident, assertive, have self-respect, and take action. They killed the depravity of the “self-esteem movement.” They replaced it with self-respect, which is correctly and accurately viewing your strengths and weaknesses. He enfranchised men to be who they were supposed to be and sought to destroy the world’s disenfranchisement. Durden is no Jesus, but he is like a judge from the book of Judges, profoundly broken but useful.

This peculiar behavior is the point of Tyler Durden. What is “controlled” and “normalized” are just forms of violence we have accepted. Why have we accepted it? It isn’t entirely clear to anyone, but we just walk along the plank. This isn’t what God wants and isn’t what humanity needs. Every brilliant moment in history is an extension of some type of crazy. Every scientist, artist, or entrepreneur that defined history took a risk and had plenty of people say they were absurd. Life is better lived while driving your life rather than submitting to what others say isn’t possible or “good.” God did the impossible from Exodus to Revelation. Don’t be Israel when they are about to enter the Promiseland or wander the desert and lose hope despite all He did for them. Believing in the impossible starts with proper identity formation and self-respect. Tying Durden’s concepts of individualism underneath a religious framework can be liberating and freeing. By themselves, they are nihilistic and destructive. In the context of theism, it is a modern emancipation proclamation.

“People do it everyday, they talk to themselves... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it.” - Tyler Durden

My “Tyler Durden story” isn’t a story of rebellion for the sake of rebellion. It is not a story of rebellion towards Durden-style absurdism but an uprising from the humanist world to a God-centered worldview. It was a revolution away from our assumed reality of secularism and culturally nurtured self-destructive priors of shame and appeasement. My Tyler Durden story is a story of courage and self-respect to stand up for my faith and to take action for the life He wants, and I want. I saw who I was in Christ and embraced the long journey ahead. I was reborn into a new man, and the old had died. You don’t pour fresh wine into old wineskins but into new ones (Matthew 9:16-17). I joyfully stepped out and let God paint a much more colorful and bold life than I ever thought possible.

On my last birthday, I was gifted the autumn leaves shirt Durden wore in the movie for being an honest, genuine, and authentic follower of Christ. I was born again and lived as my true self in Christ, unapologetically so, regardless of the world’s pressures. Courage functions like a new birth, feeling like a resurrection and a second chance at life. That is what courage does to you. The old has passed, and the new has come. Courage makes you feel like a new person who has just found a vast and abundant renewed world. Let this be the beginning of your new birth rising from shame, appeasement, people-pleasing, and the rat race of modern secular woke life. Happy rebirth to “the new you,” restored with self-respect, courage, valor, and fearlessness. Happy Rebirthday.

“The glory of God is a man fully alive.” - St. Irenaeus

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I will be continuing my No More Mr. Nice Guy series. My next post will be on relationships and “Jesus wasn’t nice”, so please subscribe.

“I read your Don’t Be a Nice Guy post and felt extremely convicted. I saw I wasn’t standing up for myself and letting others rule over my life. I wrote your advice down on Post-it notes and applied it at work. It worked! I felt liberated, and I actually got what I wanted. I’m praying that God will convict me further and change me, ‘Lord, I don’t want to be a nice guy anymore. I want to be a good guy.’” - a young man who attends my church